The Trouble with Software Developers
words of warning and advice when dealing with software developersWhy is everything ones and zeros
I was asked a rather simple question by a young nephew a month or so back and it was one of those questions that resonated with me. The question shot me back to my studying days – and it made me feel surprisingly uneasy. Memories of having to grapple with new, complex and huge volumes of information related to maths, computing, maths, electronics, maths, communications, maths, software development, maths etc etc.
So what was the question…..
“Why do computers used ones and zeros?”
Why indeed. I’m ashamed to say that I found myself giving an inarticulate answer as my mind flooded with random memories of half-adders, full-adders, nand gates, TTL, beer, smelly flats, lack of money, spots, loud music etc etc. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the answer and it wasn’t that I didn’t explain the basic principals of binary and number systems but I know my head was somewhere else – back in the late 70’s to be precise. Strange how your mind works.
I’m sure the answer put the young man off computing forever – so at least I’ve saved him from a career in software development.
Software developer celebrates 15 Hex birthday
Many years ago, a man who I will simply call Patrick, because that was his name entertained the software development office with an endless string of songs translated into hex. It is one of those office moments that I am sure David Brent would have enjoyed.
The ones I can remember were:
“I’ve got the key of the door – never been 15 Hex before”
“65 Hex trombones led the big parade”
“63 Red Hex Balloons”
More wanted…
1 in 10 people don’t understand binary
I love the one in ten people don’t understand binary joke. It’s really clever but it is one of those jokes that is a bit of a software developer “in joke”. I first heard it in a report that Jeremy Paxman (many years ago) had been circulating it in his email round robin. It requires a knowledge of binary but also a bit of quick thinking.
It can also create a long silence if you tell it in the company of people who have never had to worry about the workings of a computer other than why the Start Button is used to shut things down.
Software developers A to Z – Z is for Zero defects
Does any software developer remember the mantra of “zero defects” – what was that all about. Why should software be the only perfect thing on planet earth?
Software developers A to Z – Y is for Youth
Old heads are good in software development. They have a certain level of common sense that comes with experience. But youthful software developers are key – they have the energy and the enthusiasm to make things work at 2am in the morning the day before a launch.
Software developers A to Z – X is for out the boX
Never believe any company that is selling software for more than a couple of grand if they say it works straight out the box. It will normally be accompanied by an out of his box consultant or a software developer to help with your integration issues (shouldn’t that be their integration issues).
Software developers A to Z – W is for Works on my machine
I love this one from software developers – “Well it works on my machine”. Thus implying that it’s the machine that has the problem, me, or a strange temporal space issue.
Software developers A to Z – V is for inVinceable
As a company outing one year we all went to a Bond movie. Yeh I know. But the scene we all enjoyed was the “I am invinceable” moment from the systems guy who in the end blows himself up by clicking his pen (I think…. Memory is going).
We had software developers using this phrase endlessly for weeks after – even to declare that the code compiled cleanly.
Software developers A to Z – U is for Untested
Famous software developer caveats – “it’s not been tested yet”.
Software developers A to Z – T is for Tested
Famous software developer last words – “it’s been tested”.
The Trouble with Software Developers 
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